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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23613649">Sex-Ed, Sirius Style</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DashFnanz/pseuds/DashFnanz'>DashFnanz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Styles [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family, Family Fluff, Fluff, Harry Needs a Hug, Harry Potter is So Done, Humor, M/M, Remus Lupin Lives, Sex Talk, Sirius Black Lives, Sirius Black is his Own Warning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:28:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,271</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23613649</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DashFnanz/pseuds/DashFnanz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Seventeen year old Harry Potter just has a few questions. Nothing that cannot be resolved with a quick discussion with his godfather. But when your godfather happens to be Sirius Black, nothing can ever be that simple. </p><p>Alternately, the day Harry and Sirius have 'The Talk'. Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Styles [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798825</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>337</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sex-Ed, Sirius Style</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi guys, Dash here. I have decided to cross-post my works to this site, because AO3 has a special place in my heart and I know that I'm not the only one with this sentiment. This fic is originally posted on fanfiction.net under the same pen name.</p><p>Disclaimer: J.K Rowling is a goddess and I can never compare. So, she keeps the characters, the places and her own created world, while I borrow them all every now and then like the pathetic human I am. The plot is all mine though!</p><p>Warnings: strong language, detailed descriptions of gay sex (although, there is no actual sex in this fic), m/m relationships and also, Sirius Black is his own warning.</p><p>A/N: Wolfstar fans will really love this fic ;)</p><p>Have fun reading!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Morning, Daddio!"</p><p>"The fuck are you on, kiddo?"</p><p>"Sirius Black, language!"</p><p>Harry Potter-Black grinned unashamedly. Such scenes were perfectly normal in the Lupin-Black household. With his godfather in the equation, he wouldn't expect anything less.</p><p>"Sorry, Rem." Sirius winced, giving an apologetic look to his lover. Remus Lupin huffed in response.</p><p>Turning back to the cheeky teen across the table, he levelled a mighty glare at Harry.</p><p>"What vile name did you just call me?" A dark eyebrow was arched in perfect aristocracy.</p><p>Harry's grin turned mischievous. "I've been thinking. Ever since you adopted me, you are technically my father. I have to call you something to illustrate that, right? Ron -"</p><p>"Or you could call me Siri, or Padfoot, like you always do."</p><p>"Yeah, no. Ron suggested that I go through every name I can think of till I find one that fits. We thought it was a good idea. Mione made a list and everything."</p><p>Up went the other eyebrow. "Are you telling me, that Hermione Granger, put <em>that</em> at the top of your list?"</p><p>"Well no," Harry replied. His voice held traces of the laughter he so expertly tried to hide. "It was something Ron added, actually. There are a few others too, at the very end of the list, but what's the point of writing down hilarious names if they aren't the first ones you use?"</p><p>Sirius growled. "You'll regret that, Prongslet."</p><p>Harry snickered. "I regret nothing, ever. At least not where you're involved. You always make the most hilarious faces, Pops."</p><p>At the word '<em>Pops</em>', Sirius' face contorted into another of those hilarious faces, making Harry chortle even more.</p><p>Remus snorted from his position in front of the stove. As he flipped the omelets, he muttered, "Just like his mother, that boy."</p><p>Harry, who was close enough to overhear, straightened up and shot him a confused look. "Don't you mean 'like my dad', Rem?'</p><p>"Hey! What the fuck?" The black haired adult exclaimed out of the blue. Getting no response but a black look from his lover, Sirius pouted angrily.</p><p>He muttered, "He gets to be Rem, and <em>I'm</em> the one stuck with the old man names."</p><p>The other two occupants of the kitchen ignored him. He crossed his muscled arms and frowned petulantly.</p><p>Remus, concentrating on flipping and checking on the omelets, took his time in answering Harry. Lowering the flames, he flicked away the tawny curls hanging over his eyes and finally turned his attention to the boy.</p><p>"James was a prankster, and a practical joker, but he had no skill with words. Whether it was to make a point, or to declare his love for anything that caught his attention, or to get out of detention. He couldn't tell a joke to save his life. James came up with some of the most cringeworthy puns I had ever heard in my life, and it took years for me to realize that the whole time, he was genuinely trying to be funny."</p><p>He gave a sad smile at this, lost in thought. Harry swallowed, but didn't interrupt him, knowing that Remus would come back to himself soon. Remus' lovely honey-amber eyes grew bright with unshed tears.</p><p>People complimented Harry over his unusual emerald green eyes all the time, but he had always thought that Remus' eyes were the most beautiful he had ever seen. Seeing the beauty and kindness in those eyes, it wasn't hard to figure out why Sirius Black fell for him all those years ago.</p><p>Sirius, at the other end of the kitchen table, levelled the checkered table-cloth a dark look, as if the brightly coloured fabric was solely responsible for his best friend's death.</p><p>Sure enough, Remus came back to the present after a few seconds, forcing a smile onto his scarred face. As he spoke though, his smile turned fond and more genuine.</p><p>"Lily, on the other hand, came up with the wittiest things to say. She could talk circles around anyone, and always had a sassy comeback on the tip of her tongue. In our earlier years, she used to tease James like anything, and half the time, the poor boy didn't even realize she was doing it. Even after they got together, she never stopped trying to wind him up."</p><p>Sirius laughed, his dark mood lifting off like it was nothing.</p><p>"I remember that," he said. "Remember when she found out about Jamie's animagus form, Rem? She used to make all those deer jokes. I never knew what gave her the idea, but some of the things she came up with were fantastic."</p><p>Remus smiled. Checking that the eggs were done, he scooped them off the pan and placed them onto three plates.</p><p>Bringing the plates to the table, he set them down as he replied, "That was your fault. You both had come up with all those lines about my 'furry little problem', and how I was 'PMSing' every month and what not. Lily was really mad about that. So she decided to return the favour for me."</p><p>Sirius' eyes jerked up from his appreciative gaze over his breakfast plate. Concerned, he asked his lover, "Moons, did we make you uncomfortable? We didn't know, honestly. We were just horsing around. Why didn't you say something?"</p><p>Remus let out a little laugh as he sat down between them. "Oh, it didn't hurt me, Padfoot," he replied reassuringly, reaching for the toast. "You know how Lily was. Always protecting her friends. She was more offended by your jokes than I ever was. I knew it was all in jest - she couldn't accept that."</p><p>He turned to Harry with a melancholic smile. "Lily was my first ever friend," he told the boy. "Every moment she wasn't with Severus -"</p><p>"Fucking Snivellous."</p><p>Again, they ignored the vicious mutter in the background. Remus, however, did shoot him a stern look. Harry just smiled.</p><p>"Whenever Severus wasn't around, we'd spend time together in the library. Even after I befriended the rest of these loons -" He shot Sirius a reluctantly fond look, "we never stopped being partners in every class. Sirius here used to get more and more jealous about it every time we worked on an assignment together."</p><p>Harry laughed with delight. He loved to hear stories of his parents from their younger days, and he loved it best when they were told by the two men before him.</p><p>Giving Sirius another fondly amused smile, Remus continued, "It was how we got together actually. He pouted for nearly a week when he reached his breaking point in sixth year, and then he finally cornered me in our dorm when I had stopped by on the way to the library to pick up my homework. He started babbling on and on about how I was betraying James by trying to make a move on Lily - he didn't even make any sense. And then when I tried to deny it, he twisted my words around so much that I accidentally revealed my… infatuation… with him. And then he confessed his love for me and kissed me up against the wall… "</p><p>Harry couldn't help but smile. His godfathers were just so adorable.</p><p>Sirius' nostalgic smile morphed into a lascivious smirk. "How could I forget? One of the greatest days of my life, it was. And man, the look on Evan's face that day when she walked in on Gryffindor's precious perfect prefect choking on my dick like he was starving for it - Best. Memory. Ever!"</p><p>Remus looked beyond horrified, his mouth flapping open in shock.</p><p>He had finally done it, thought Harry, petrified. His godfather had finally turned the unflappable Remus Lupin as red as a traffic light.</p><p>"SIRIUS ORION BLACK!"</p><p>Shameless. His adopted father was completely and utterly shameless.</p><p>If this was Sirius Black's revenge, Harry was already regretting it.</p><p>-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-</p><p>For all of Harry's previous worries about living with his previously imprisoned godfather and his former professor - he felt like he was living the life he was always meant to have. It felt completely natural - almost absurdly so.</p><p>They had taken him in when he was fifteen years old, and in his fifth year at Hogwarts.</p><p>Sirius had finally been acquitted of his alleged crimes. It had taken them a year and a half, and it would have taken longer still if it hadn't been for Peter Pettigrew's confession.</p><p>They had captured the little rat at the end of Harry's third year and delivered him to the Ministry immediately, but the mere survival of a supposedly dead man wasn't enough evidence for the Wizengamot members. Luckily, they had agreed to hold Pettigrew in the Ministry cells for the time it took to organize a re-trial.</p><p>It took eleven months for the Ministry to conduct the re-trial, only caving in when they had been cornered enough to admit that the first one had been a complete and utter farce. And every day for those eleven months, Harry and Remus had thanked their lucky stars that they had convinced Sirius to remain in hiding.</p><p>The Ministry was dead set on finding out the location of their only Azkaban escapee. Sirius Black was an embarrassment to the Ministry's shaky reputation, in more ways than one. However, only three people really knew where Sirius was holed up - Remus, Harry, and their ruthless and fearless lawyer, Andromeda Tonks née Black, who happened to be Sirius' favourite cousin.</p><p>The Auror department did suspect Harry, and on some level, Remus, to be holding this vital information, but in spite of their best interrogation efforts, the two were not persuaded to reveal what they knew.</p><p>Andromeda had fought through hell and back to free her cousin, and Harry would never forget all of the efforts she put in to make a foolproof, satisfying case for the Wizengamot. Nor would he stop being just that little bit terrified of her, because as kind as she was to him, the woman was scary as hell.</p><p>When the Wizengamot had finally conceded to Sirius' innocence and reluctantly granted him compensation for his time spent unjustly in Azkaban, the very first thing Sirius took up was the fight for custody of Harry Potter. And after everything, just before Christmas, he was granted guardianship of his godson.</p><p>The ease with which they settled into their routines when they began to live together - Remus, Sirius and Harry - was startling in it's effortlessness. Considering the amount of time they had put into fighting all those legal battles, Harry had expected a fair bit of awkwardness.</p><p>But Sirius, the chill, roll-with-it bloke that he was, broke the ice with one of his infamous crude jokes within the first few minutes itself. Remus had yelled out his name and swatted him over the head, anxiety forgotten immediately, while Harry laughed his head off, cringing at his godfather's lewdness, and that pretty much set the precedent for every single conversation they would have ever since.</p><p>And when Harry had killed Voldemort at the end of his fifth year, his relationship with his godfathers had transformed completely.</p><p>When Sirius Black had nearly fallen through the Veil in the Department of Mysteries, only wrenched away from death by a well-aimed spell from a frantic Remus, both Harry and Remus fought like madmen for the remainder of the short battle.</p><p>Remus, who was normally so mild-mannered and even-tempered, even in stressful situations, casted curses and spells like a man possessed. Considering his advanced skill-set, it spelled disaster for anyone who found themselves at the end of his wand. He had torn apart Bellatrix Lestrange, unforgivingly and with relish, and in the chaos of the battle, no one even suspected him as her killer.</p><p>Harry didn't even remember what had happened. He moved on autopilot, using an arsenal of spells he had learnt, coupled with random bursts of destructive magic. When the red haze clouding his mind had finally lifted, all he remembered was his parents' murderer falling through the very Veil that had nearly taken his godfather hostage, thrown into the abyss by a powerful burst of pure magic from Harry himself.</p><p>From that day on, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin ceased to be the best friends of the parents he had never got to have, and became the parental figures he had always wanted.</p><p>It had taken quite a while longer, but a few months ago, just a few days before he was set to go to Hogwarts for his final year, the Lupin-Black household had received a jet black Ministry owl carrying his adoption certificates.</p><p>Harry had already turned seventeen by then and he was a legal adult in the eyes of the wizarding world. And legal adult though he was, he felt exactly like the little kid in his cupboard drawing pictures in the dark, of superheroes coming to take him away and taking care of him forever.</p><p>Harry had surprised himself with how many happy memories he had to look back on when he had sat down to consider it. When he was a kid, he had always resigned himself to being miserable forever. Hogwarts and magic had changed his life in more ways than he could ever dream.</p><p>But even with all the happy memories he had made there, each one better than the last, the day when the owl had flown into their home and made him Sirius' official son, was without a doubt, the very best day of his life. That was the day, he knew for certain what bliss felt like.</p><p>And ever since a certain blond someone had barged into his life with the force of a Bludger and kissed him to within an inch of his sanity, Harry was happier than he had ever been. Ever since sixth year, when they had gotten together, Harry had been living in a cloud of bliss. A foggy, sometimes supremely frustrated one, but a blissful cloud nonetheless.</p><p>He had given Harry so much. Love, patience, passion, competition. The incentive to be the best person he could be. He had showered him with presents and affection, much more than he could possibly deserve. They had fought, oh did they ever fight. But he gave Harry his apologies, showed him his vulnerabilities, something that Harry knew he had never done for anyone else.</p><p>Harry wanted to give him something special for the new year. They had only gone so far in their relationship, and Harry was finally ready to take it a step further.</p><p>Harry knew how much his boyfriend had wanted it, but Harry wasn't ready. And being the amazing guy he was, his boyfriend had never pushed him for more, not once.</p><p>It wasn't that Harry didn't want it too, because he did. The sticky sheets and tented trousers, Harry's moans and pleas in their moments of restrained passion, they were a testament enough to that.</p><p>And Harry was ready now.</p><p>They say that the one you kiss at midnight on New Year's eve is the one you will spend the rest of the year with. Well, Harry would give his boyfriend much more than a kiss, because he was pretty sure that they would be spending the rest of their lives together.</p><p>And all he needed to make it happen was to survive a particular conversation with his godfather. His bawdy, juvenile godfather who could make the simplest conversation awkward as hell by the mere power of his existence.</p><p>Merlin help him. He is so screwed.</p><p>-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-</p><p>Harry stood in front of the full length mirror in the front hallway of their home, checking his reflection. A short boy with wide, prominent green eyes stared back at him, his curly jet black hair tangled around his tanned face. Harry's round glasses were slipping down his nose, and he pushed it back up with one hasty finger.</p><p>Harry nodded to his reflection. At least his hair didn't give away the long minutes he had paced around in his bedroom, pulling it this way and that. Then again, with the general disarray of his hair on a good day, he doubted it would have made much of a difference.</p><p>In any case, he didn't have to worry about Remus walking in on their conversation. Remus had just left for the groceries, among other errands.</p><p>Since Sirius had done the last grocery run, Remus was sure to take at least a couple hours this time. Sirius was notorious for purchasing the craziest things at Muggle grocery stores, the few times Remus was desperate enough to send him for anything.</p><p>Harry still remembered one particularly memorable haul, when his godfather had come home with three packets of ketchup, a large bag of kale, a half-melted tub of Ben &amp; Jerry's, a loaf of packaged bread, two puffed up bags of salty crisps a month away from expiry, a block of Parmesan, a single ripe tomato, and the checkout lady's phone number, hastily scrawled on the back of the receipt. Needless to say, Remus was <em>not</em> pleased.</p><p>Harry sighed and bent down to check his shoelaces. He was not looking forward to this conversation. If only he could talk to Remus about it. But it wasn't that Remus wouldn't be helpful enough, the problem was that Remus would be <em>too</em> helpful.</p><p>Remus had a tendency to be extremely thorough when he was lecturing on a topic he knew about. It was what had made him such a popular teacher in Hogwarts. And when it came to things like homework, it was great. In this case? Not so much.</p><p>It was highly likely that Remus would conjure up extremely accurate models at some point in the discussion. Knowing him, they would be intricate and fully detailed. It was one of his many talents.</p><p>Harry loved his honorary godfather to death, but he had a healthy, and in his opinion, perfectly valid, fear of seeing extremely life-like genitals dangling in midair, thank you very much. He was pretty sure that the very glimpse of something like that would give him nightmares of crotch-less, arse-less dead zombie people for weeks.</p><p>The rustle of a page being turned in the sitting room nearby snapped him back to the present. Heaving another sigh, he straightened up and squared his shoulders. There was no sense in putting it off any longer.</p><p>Taking a step, then another and another, Harry made his way to the parlour. It was a warm, welcoming place, once one got past all the <em>red</em> in the room. The draperies, the couches and it's cushions, the thick springy carpet, even the wallpaper, were all patterned in various shades of scarlet. Anyone who knew Sirius Black could instantly tell that he was the one to decorate the room.</p><p>At the other end of the room, in the cushiest armchair by the fireplace, sat Sirius himself. He was reading a thick magazine, lounging in the chair like he was the king of his little castle, one ankle loosely placed over the other knee.</p><p>For all his rebellion against his family and everything they stood for, Sirius hadn't completely lost his pureblood touch. It was evident in the way he held himself, and his classy posture stood mightily at odds with the pictures of dirt bikes and race tracks on the front cover of the magazine in his hands.</p><p>Harry knew of only one other person who could pull off that position so well, and that was his boyfriend.</p><p>The thought of his boyfriend brought his mind back to the task at hand, and he approached his godfather cautiously.</p><p>"Sirius?"</p><p>At the mention of his name, Sirius looked up. His wavy black hair fell away from his face, and grey eyes sparkled against the flames in the fireplace as he addressed his godson.</p><p>"Harry. No funny names this time?" His face turned grumpy, the expression looking odd on his ruggedly handsome face.</p><p>Harry swallowed. "Um… no?"</p><p>Sirius frowned. "Hmm. Is it serious?"</p><p>"I… think so?"</p><p>Sirius' eyebrows arched.</p><p>"I just - I wanted to ask you some questions. About stuff."</p><p>"And you've come to me with them? Instead of Remus?"</p><p>"Umm… yeah."</p><p>Sirius' face broke into a startling grin. "He came to me! Hell yeah! Take that, Moony! Oh, I cannot wait to rub it in his face!"</p><p>Harry hurried to stop him. "You can't tell Remus! That's why I came to you instead."</p><p>Sirius' face fell. "So, I wasn't your first choice?"</p><p>Harry shook his head reluctantly.</p><p>"Damn."</p><p>Sirius sighed. His face suddenly twisted into a doggish grin.</p><p>"What's it then, kiddo? If you want advice on any pranks, you know I'll give it to you, no charge. Just remember, that the first rule of a Marauder is to never get caught. Always find someone to pin it on before you commit the crime!"</p><p>Harry rolled his eyes, grinning. His godfather's special brand of crazy always managed to put him at ease.</p><p>"Not those kind of questions, Padfoot!" He made a mental note to tell Ginny, though. Gin had a real talent for these things, especially for blowing things up, and she seemed to take real delight in following the twins' footsteps.</p><p>Sirius seemed confused. Harry tried to explain further.</p><p>"My questions are more personal," he said a little hesitantly. "Of the more… intimate variety."</p><p>Sirius' confusion seemed to heighten.</p><p>Harry swallowed, biting his lip. Sirius never could understand the meaning of subtlety. Best to just come out and say it.</p><p>"Howdoesgaysexwork?" Harry burst out in a rush.</p><p>"Slower, pup. I couldn't hear you."</p><p>Deep breath. "How… does gay sex work?"</p><p>Harry would remember the gobsmacked look on his godfather's face for the rest of his life.</p><p>Sirius' face didn't remain frozen for long. His features morphed and contorted into various hilariously exaggerated emotional expressions - confusion, constipation, panic, anger, hysteria - before finally settling on horror.</p><p>Sirius took a deep breath. Harry took a step back.</p><p>"SEX! YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT SEX?! YOU'RE TOO YOUNG! NO FUCKING BASTARD WILL EVER LAY HANDS ON MY INNOCENT LITTLE GODSON TILL I SAY SO!"</p><p>"Siri, I'm seventeen already! I can do it whenever I want to!"</p><p>"NO SEX TILL YOU'RE FORTY! COME BACK TO ME WHEN YOU TURN FORTY AND I'LL THINK ABOUT IT!"</p><p>"Siri, calm down!"</p><p>Another deep breath. And another and another. Finally, Sirius had cooled off enough to talk at a normal decibel.</p><p>He sat back down in his chair, looking puzzled as to when he had gotten up. He gestured at Harry to take the armchair opposite him.</p><p>"Who do you want to have sex with, even?"</p><p>Harry looked back at him, confused, as he sat down. "Siri, I have a boyfriend, remember? Who else would I want to do it with?"</p><p>Now it was Sirius' turn to be confused. "You have a boyfriend? Why was I not informed about it?"</p><p>"Siri, I already told you about him. I mention him in practically every letter. You even grumble about him - all the time, really!"</p><p>"Wait, <em>him</em>?"</p><p>"Yeah, <em>him</em>! Siri, you know this!"</p><p>"But, but - I thought you two broke up already!"</p><p>Harry looked at him, concerned. Did his godfather hit his head somewhere? Was he repressing?</p><p>"Um, Siri," he started slowly. "Why would I ever break up with Draco Malfoy?"</p><p>"Because he's a git?"</p><p>Harry snorted to himself and muttered, "Well, so are you, but Remus still stuck around."</p><p>"What did you say?"</p><p>"Nothing!"</p><p>Sirius sighed, shaking his head. "I thought you already broke up last month. What else was I to think? McGonagall sent us a letter saying that you both were serving three weeks of detention for destroying the whole second floor in the west wing. I thought that it was your final fight!"</p><p>Harry looked sheepish. "She told you about that? I was hoping she'd forget. You're not mad, are you?"</p><p>"Why would I be mad? Remus might give you a lecture or two about destroying school property sometime in the next few days though."</p><p>Harry let out a little laugh. "That's fine. At least he won't ground me."</p><p>"Nah, I doubt he will."</p><p>"We didn't break up, Pads. It was one of our more… explosive fights, sure. But we usually make up soon enough. I don't even remember what we were arguing about that time. Probably over something silly like whom Flitwick likes more."</p><p>"So… you two are still together?"</p><p>"Yes, Pads."</p><p>"Dammit!"</p><p>"Pads!"</p><p>"Don't 'Pads' me, young man! Malfoys are the scum of the earth! They're the scum you scrape <em>off </em>scum! And the most elitist, snobbish scum I've ever laid eyes on, too. Fucking arseholes, the lot of them!"</p><p>"<em>Pads</em>!"</p><p>"Why, I remember when that blond poofy bastard married my cousin. Stole her, more like! Cissy was an airhead, sure, but never so vicious! And then that git Malfoy came along with his marriage contract - load of hippogriff shit if you ask me, arranged marriages - and poof! - she's the wicked witch of the 80's! Hmmpff!"</p><p>"Pads! He's not like that, geez! I wouldn't even talk to him if he was anything like Lucius Malfoy. Or Narcissa! I haven't forgotten how slimy his father can be. Draco is nothing like that!"</p><p>Sirius shrugged, unconvinced. "If you say so, Prongslet."</p><p>Harry huffed at his doubt. "Just trust me on this, will you, Siri? Draco is pretty amazing once you get past his defences."</p><p>Sirius sighed. "Fine, pup. You always were a pretty good judge of character, anyway. And you used to loathe him before, so he must have changed a <em>lot</em>."</p><p>"He's mellowed out a bit, I guess." Harry laughed. "But honestly, he didn't really change. I just got to know him better, and that made all the difference."</p><p>Sirius smiled softly. "As long as you're happy, pup."</p><p>"More than ever." Harry smiled back.</p><p>Sirius let out a loud breath and sat up straight, rolling his shoulders.</p><p>"So…"</p><p>Harry looked up.</p><p>"You want to know about sex?"</p><p>Harry's nervousness returned. "Yeah, Siri."</p><p>"Why didn't you go to Remus? Surely you know that he'd be much better at explaining these things than me?"</p><p>Harry winced. "You remember when you both sat me down to tell me about your relationship? And he started off by talking about how gay couples exist and what it means, being gay?"</p><p>Sirius' grimace matched his. "Oh yeah… he conjured up all those charts and statistics."</p><p>"And <em>diagrams</em>." added Harry, shuddering.</p><p>"Never mind." His godfather shook his head quickly. "I get it now."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Okay so, we'll start with what you already know. Tell me everything you know about sex."</p><p>"Ohh<em>kay</em>," Harry said, with a very red face. "I know that sex is something you do with someone you like a lot. Hermione says you only do it if you love the person very very much. It doesn't matter which one, anyway, because they both apply to me."</p><p>Sirius' mouth twisted at this, like he wanted to interrupt and was trying really, really hard not to. Harry could understand. This was painful for him too.</p><p>"Um, what else? I know that in normal sex, there is some involvement of dicks and the - you know - the place from which women pee, I think? But I don't know the specifics. And in gay sex, they use um, arses, instead, because we don't have those parts." Harry added, his face screwed up in concentration, and a smidgeon more of embarrassment.</p><p>"Oh, and when you have normal sex, you get a baby!" he added on, remembering. "But not every time. I think."</p><p>By the end of it, Harry just looked confused.</p><p>Sirius on the other hand, looked like he was regretting all his life choices.</p><p>"That's it?" he asked, sounding faint. "That's it! Oh Merlin!"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>The aristocrat made a curious noise in the back of his throat. To Harry, it sounded like a choking animal.</p><p>"Pup, weren't you ever curious about sex? Surely you've heard <em>something </em>more on the subject? I know what boys are like, and you've been living in a boys' dorm for six whole years!"</p><p>"Not much," Harry answered timidly. "Before there was Voldemort to consider, and the whole fiasco with your trial and all. I didn't really pay attention to those conversations much, what with everything happening. Besides, they don't really talk about that a lot. I mean, other than discussing which girl has the biggest, you know -" He made a vague gesture at his own chest, his face colouring even more.</p><p>"Oh," was all Sirius said, still making that funny little choking noise. "Right."</p><p>Harry twiddled his fingers, not knowing what else to say.</p><p>Sirius, recovering from his minor throat problems, finally cleared it and asked, "So you never wondered what sex was about? What it's like?"</p><p>"Not really," Harry shrugged. "Once, when we were in fourth year, Neville told me all about the mating habits of snakes. I figured that human mating was something like that." He shrugged again.</p><p>"Something like that!" his godfather exclaimed faintly. He didn't even know how it was possible to exclaim <em>faintly</em>, but his godfather was known for making the impossible happen.</p><p>"Harry... pup, human sex is nothing like the mating of snakes!" Sirius continued vehemently. "First of all, humans do not lay <em>eggs</em>!"</p><p>Harry cocked his head. "Really? Hermione said that women lay eggs every month. Something like that, I think. She was muttering and hissing a lot. She sounded really annoyed, which was completely unfair. All I wanted to know was what the letters 'PMS' meant!"</p><p>Sirius blinked. Then he blinked again. "Now that you mention it, I think I remember some of that. Although, I'm still quite positive that snake sex and hunan sex are nothing alike at all." He shuddered. "You should ask Moony about it if you want to know more, he knows everything. I'm not good at all that technical stuff."</p><p>He shook his head suddenly. "Never mind that. It's not important. We'll start from the beginning. Are you interested in women? At all?"</p><p>"No. Definitely not."</p><p>"Good, then we'll skip everything on straight sex. Makes things easier. Oh, and by the way," Sirius gave a slight grin, "That 'place from which women pee'? It's called a vagina. Thought you should know that." Sirius winked.</p><p>Harry ohhed in comprehension, the fading blush on his cheeks returning full force.</p><p>"Okay," his godfather continued. "So there are two participants to sex, as you know. Apart from the main event, there are also sexual activities like frottage, handjobs, blowjobs, etcetera. It's usually a gradual progression of events - you work your way up to having full-on sex. Although handjobs, blowjobs and the like are not exactly defined as sex, it is definitely part of it. You getting it so far?"</p><p>Harry nodded shyly. "All those names you mentioned - what are they?"</p><p>"I'm coming to that," Sirius replied. "These acts I've mentioned, they are usually part of foreplay. Foreplay is usually something that comes before sex - to get you into the mood, you know. Foreplay, though, can be very versatile - you don't have to engage in it only before sex. You can do it after sex too, or do it without any sex to follow at all. Got it?"</p><p>Harry looked confused. "How do you know, then? When to do it or not? Aren't there any rules or such for it?"</p><p>Sirius bit his lip, trying to think of a way to answer him. "There are no rules in sex, Harry. Not in the way you're thinking. The only rules that apply are the rules that you set for yourself. Sex should always be consensual, never forget that. But that is the only set rule you ever follow. The thing that's best about sex, pup, is that you just do what feels good. You don't have to worry about what is right or wrong, whether to do it or not. Your body decides where you go, and you just <em>feel</em>."</p><p>"Oh," was all Harry said.</p><p>"I hate to think of this but, when you and Malfoy… kiss. When you make out, how do you know what to do next? How do you know when to break the kiss, when to use tongue, when to, you know… everything else?"</p><p>Harry was extremely embarrassed at hearing his godfather discuss his kissing habits, but he took Sirius' questions into consideration.</p><p>"I don't know," Harry said, thinking hard. "It just… comes to me. I don't even know what I'm doing sometimes. I just… let it happen. See if it feels good for him I guess."</p><p>After all, it was only through their makeout sessions that Harry found out how much Draco loved it when he ran his hands through his blond locks, how he sighed when Harry kissed his earlobe. And it was only through their makeout sessions that Draco knew enough to kiss Harry's neck, to bite and suck at the spot near his collarbone to make him go weak at the knees.</p><p>It was only through their numerous sessions that they both learnt about how much Harry loved to be boxed in against the wall, pressed against the bed, the couch cushions; how Draco loved it when Harry sat on his lap in front of everyone, and how much he loved to claim Harry with his kisses, how he loved to hear Harry whispering his name in the dark.</p><p>Of course, he couldn't tell Sirius all this. But this revelation sat in his stomach like a comforting weight, giving him butterflies. He stopped working himself up with worry on whether he'd get it right on New Year's Eve and just focused on Sirius' words.</p><p>Because his godfather was right. Sex had nothing to do with patterns or rules. There was no right way to do it. It depended on their pleasure, on how tuned in they were to their partner's experiences, about what made them feel good.</p><p>And Harry knew that where their relationship was concerned, no one could beat their chemistry. They would be fine.</p><p>Sirius must have noticed the tension around his green eyes giving way, the loosening of the tendons in his neck, because his godfather gave him an understanding smile. Harry smiled back. Sirius, for all his crassness and general obliviousness, could always read through him. <em>Paternal instincts</em>, he thought.</p><p>"Okay, so, explanations," Sirius continued as if he had never stopped. Harry was grateful for his rare show of subtlety. "Firstly, frottage. That's when both men, let's call them A and B, rub their dicks against each other. This is the first progression of intimacy, from romantic to sexual. Usually, this happens with clothes on, but let me tell you, it feels much better without any. The friction - oh, you'll love it!" At this, Sirius winked.</p><p>Scratch that. Harry wasn't grateful. Harry <em>hated</em> him.</p><p>"Next, are handjobs," Sirius went on with a doggish grin. "It's exactly as the name suggests. A grabs B's dick with his hand, and-" he made an obscene gesture to demonstrate. Harry felt embarrassed on his godfather's behalf. Clearly, the man didn't possess trivial emotions such as shame.</p><p>"Then there are blowjobs. It's also referred to as 'giving head' among other things. So instead of hands, A uses his mouth on B to bring him to completion, or just to tease. You wouldn't believe how good that feels, pup. So much better than your own hand, believe me. Now there are many techniques to do this. Some use their tongue to lick around, or swallow the other's dick down as much as they can with their whole mouth, or they just suck around the head. It all feels good, but I've always made sure to use all three for best effect - just alternate between one and the other, you know?" Sirius smirked.</p><p>"A good trick I learned through experience is to swallow when you've got the other person's dick in your mouth. Well, to be honest, Moony taught me that. You wouldn't imagine how good he is at deepthroating, and every time he swallows while he's at it, he always makes me go crazy. Doesn't seem like it, but my Moony is a wild animal in bed." Sirius winked at his godson, completely unaware of the horrified look on Harry's face. "Man, good times."</p><p><em>Oh. God</em>. He's hearing about his parents having <em>sex</em>.</p><p>"Oh, and always make sure to cover your teeth. Sometimes using just a hint of teeth feels really good for the other person, but make sure to be very careful. I've heard some real horrors out there of those who overdid it with the teeth and hurt their partner - there is nothing more painful than an injured dick, you hear me? It's an honest fact and the one thing I never want to test. Always cover your teeth before you start. Like this." So saying, Sirius demonstrated the method, pointing at his own face and nodding like an idiot.</p><p>Harry didn't think he could possibly get any redder.</p><p>"Come on, pup! Now you try."</p><p>Ah, he jinxed himself. He'd be beating records by the end of this conversation.</p><p>After nearly five whole minutes of practice, Sirius finally deemed his godson good enough to be let out into the world without fear of maiming another man's dick. Harry grimaced at the thought.</p><p>At least Sirius didn't hide all that information from him secretly hoping that Draco would end up with blood on his dick. Small mercies.</p><p>"Okay, now that that's done, rimjobs!"</p><p>"Wait, you never mentioned those before!"</p><p>"I didn't?" Sirius looked genuinely puzzled. "Huh, that's funny. How did I forget those? Rimjobs are my specialty. Okay, so giving a rimjob essentially means that A licks into B's arse. Its -"</p><p>Harry's repulsed look was enough to stop Sirius in his tracks. "You do what?!"</p><p>"Hey, hey, don't discount it, pup. If done right, it could be the most satisfying thing you would ever experience. If you're really nervous about it, you can clean out your arse beforehand. Plus there are cleaning spells for it, and what not. But I've done it to Moony spontaneously several times, and I've never tasted anything bad!"</p><p>"Gross, Siri! Not helping!"</p><p>"All I'm saying, is that once you get past your disgust for the subject, I can assure you that it will be extremely pleasurable - for both the participants. Why, Remus once <em>literally</em> screamed himself hoarse when I went down on him. He couldn't talk properly for two days - glared at me the whole time. But it was so worth the nights on the couch!"</p><p>Harry grimaced again. He did not want to hear this. At all.</p><p>"I've made him scream every time I did it to him, I'm pretty sure. It's actually the very reason I raised all those permanent silencing wards in our room. I love hearing him screaming my name, but we figured that you'd have problems sleeping at night in the next room what with all the noise."</p><p>Harry's already bright face turned redder by the second, until he clapped his hands over his own ears, sporting the most horrified, terrified look Sirius had ever seen.</p><p>"Oh my <em>GOD</em>, Siri, <em>TMI</em>!"</p><p>Sirius cocked his head. "TMI? What is that?"</p><p>"Too much information," Harry responded, still grimacing. "I never, ever want to know what you two do in the bedroom, Siri. You both are like my dads, gross!"</p><p>"Hey pup, don't be like that. Don't forget, you were the one who came up to me asking about sex!"</p><p>"Yes, and I regret it enough already," he replied. "I know that coming to you had to be one of the most insane ideas I ever had -"</p><p>"Fair enough," Sirius shrugged.</p><p>"- but can you at least try to keep a leash on your comments? For me?" Harry accompanied his request with perfectly executed puppy-dog eyes. The constipated look on his face, however, ruined the effect completely.</p><p>Sirius, struggling not to laugh, smirked. "I don't make any promises, pup."</p><p>"Ugh! This is possibly the worst moment of my life."</p><p>"Relax. That's just an exaggeration. Because it's about to get much worse."</p><p>Harry really, really did not like the evil grin on his godfather's face.</p><p>Sirius wasn't just devilishly handsome. Sirius was the devil.</p><p>"Intercourse. Penetration. Making Love. Fucking into the mattress. Shagging like rabbits. Going all the way." Sirius started off, the evil smirk never leaving his face.</p><p>Harry found it a bit ominous.</p><p>Who was he kidding? Watching his godfather talk right now was scarier than watching The Godfather.</p><p>"Sex. Our last and final stop," Sirius continued, oblivious to Harry's thought processes. Which was completely fine. Sirius would take too much pride in knowing that he was currently more terrifying than a mafia boss.</p><p>"The basic idea of penetrative sex is that A puts his dick into B's arse. Ever heard the muggle phrase 'Tab A into Slot B'?"</p><p>"No?"</p><p>"What about the wizard one? Sticking the wand in the cauldron."</p><p>"Wizards compare their arses to cauldrons? No one's arse can stretch that much!"</p><p>"Keep thinking that. You're too young to know, anyway."</p><p>"They can stretch their… holes… to the size of a cauldron mouth?!"</p><p>"Well, there are charms for such things. It's a pretty common kink for wizards, now that I think about it. Hmm, I should ask Moony if we can try it -"</p><p>"Siri, <em>gross</em>!"</p><p>"<em>Aaand</em> it isn't anything you need to know about anyway, because <em>you are too young for kinks! </em>Stick to vanilla for now, <em>please</em>."</p><p>Kinks? Vanilla? What in the world is he talking about?</p><p>"Anyyway… so there's a top and a bottom. The top uses his dick, and the bottom uses his arse. Now remember, do not, I repeat, do not, go sticking your dick into Malfoy just like that for your first time, you hear me? Not even if you're really really horny. You can do that when you're both practiced at it."</p><p>"Pads, wait! You said that the, um, top, uses his dick, right? And the bottom uses his arse? That means that I'm the bottom. So it's the other way round." Harry fidgeted. "I thought you should know. That way you can concentrate on the parts I need to know more."</p><p>Sirius spluttered. "You - he - you're a - how do you know? Have you already tried it? Why didn't you say something!"</p><p>"Tried what?" asked Harry, confused. "I haven't tried anything yet. I don't even know what to try!"</p><p>"Then how do you know that you like bottoming? You could even like both. It's a thing, you know - switching, it's called."</p><p>"Draco keeps saying that a Malfoy always tops. And that I'd make a fantastic bottom. I didn't know what he meant till you mentioned what they mean." If his face was red before, it was positively flaming now.</p><p>"THAT GIT! HOW DARE HE JUST ASSUME -"</p><p>"Siri, don't be mad! I think he's right actually."</p><p>"WHAT?"</p><p>"It's just - he's pretty dominating, usually. And, um, I really like it when he takes control. When he's on top. It makes me feel safe and - and it feels really nice."</p><p>Harry didn't dare look at his godfather as he mumbled softly, "Plus, it's also <em>really </em>hot."</p><p>Luckily, his godfather had amazing hearing even out of his dog form, because he didn't fancy repeating it.</p><p>"Huh," was all he got in response.</p><p>When Harry finally chanced a glance up, he noticed that for the first time in their conversation, his godfather looked honestly uncomfortable. He was squirming in his seat, completely un-Sirius-like. And - oh, was that a blush? It was barely noticeable, but Harry was positive that it was there.</p><p>It seemed that hearing about his godson's preferences made Sirius embarrassed.</p><p>Ohh, he was going to have so much fun with this.</p><p>Who knew, in the bargain, he might even overcome his shyness over the subject. Draco would be delighted. He loved to hear Harry's shy ventures into dirty talk - the rare times it happened - almost as much as he loved to make Harry squirm with his own filthy whispers.</p><p>Sirius took a few seconds to get himself under control, Harry relishing in his discomfort.</p><p>Finally, clearing his throat multiple times, he said, "You'll have to ask Moony about bottoming, Prongslet. I'm really not the best person to talk to about that. The one time we tried it, it was a complete and utter failure." Sirius shuddered.</p><p>"Ugh. Moony didn't let me anywhere near his arse for nearly two weeks after that incident. It wasn't even my fault. Do you know how hard it was for a teenage boy like me to go without any for two whole weeks when I woke up to <em>that</em> every morning?"</p><p>Sirius seemed to be trying to get the upper hand again. But Harry had just received his first taste of victory, the first of many he was sure, and he wasn't going to fall for it.</p><p>Sirius, unable to get a rise out of Harry, continued, "So while I cannot tell you what bottoming feels like, I can tell you what to expect, teach you the spells, etc. <em>But</em> -"</p><p>At this he stopped, the glee returning to his features.</p><p>Harry swallowed.</p><p>"I know that you both are going back to Hogwarts on the 28th for that seventh year study program," Sirius said with a growing smirk. "And you want to learn all this before you go back to school, right?"</p><p>Harry nodded warily, not knowing what to expect.</p><p>"Tell you what. Sometime before the 28th, call Malfoy over for a meal. Lunch, dinner, I don't care. I want to meet the git before you two do anything. If I think him good enough for you, I'll teach you everything you want to know -"</p><p>"You'd never agree to anyone being good enough for me, Siri!"</p><p>"Would too! <em>And… </em> I promise to make it as pleasant as possible. No embarrassment."</p><p>Sirius sat forward, waiting to hear Harry's reply. "So, what do you say? Deal?"</p><p>Harry thought it over. On one hand, it could be really, really disastrous. He couldn't tell Draco about the real reason for Sirius' request, because it would ruin the surprise. He knew what his boyfriend was like when he was nervous. A Malfoy could never show even a hint of fear, and Draco's method of concealing it was by blustering his way into being the annoying prat he used to be. Sirius would <em>detest</em> that.</p><p>On the other hand, he knew it was coming. Hell, for months he'd been planning a way to get his boyfriend to meet his parents without either Sirius or Draco objecting. He had already roped Ron and Hermione into strategizing with him, and was planning on bringing Remus into it too. At least this way, Sirius could feel that it was his idea, and if things went south, the man had only himself to blame for proposing it in the first place.</p><p>Plus, he'd get free entertainment out of it. He knew that he wouldn't actually get a discomfort-free lesson, because the words 'Sirius Black' and 'decorous' just didn't jive, but it would be fun to watch his godfather try to restrain himself. God knows he'd never get another opportunity to see it.</p><p>It was a total win-win.</p><p>Not to mention, he'd have the pleasure and blackmail opportunity of seeing his confident, obnoxious, often cocky boyfriend quivering in fear. He had always wondered what Draco would be like around someone he both respected and feared.</p><p>There was no doubt really. He'd be a fool to say no.</p><p>"Deal," Harry agreed decisively. "I'll tell Draco to come over. We'll ask Remus about it and iron out the details."</p><p>Sirius grinned like a man satisfied. They both leaned forward and shook on it, using the special Marauder handshake that Sirius had taught him three days after he had moved in, back in fifth year.</p><p>"Siri," Harry called with a nervous grin.</p><p>"Yeah, pup?"</p><p>"Just promise me, at if anything goes wrong, you won't go all, <em>you are forbidden from ever seeing that git Malfoy ever again, Harry</em>, on me." Harry punctuated his imitation of Sirius with finger quotes. "Because, that's never going to happen. You taught me to fight for what I believe in, and that's exactly what I will do."</p><p>Sirius smiled proudly. "As many times as I may have said it, pup, you practiced that habit long before I came into your life."</p><p>Harry grinned in acknowledgement.</p><p>"And I'd never break up with Draco, not for anything, so <em>please</em>, for the love of Merlin, <em>please</em> do not turn us into Romeo and Juliet. Because I <em>really</em> hate that story."</p><p>Sirius grinned, flashing his bright white teeth. "I remember that story! Moony loves it for some crazy reason. Although, I must say that, that milkshake guy is one fucked up bloke."</p><p>Harry choked on his spit. <em>Milkshake guy,</em> he mouthed in disbelief.</p><p>"Unnecessarily tragic, I'm telling you. If Romeo had just masturbated a few times a week, he would have saved both those nice families a heap of trouble."</p><p>Harry almost slapped his hand against his face, and had to physically stop himself with the other hand when he remembered his glasses. The last time he facepalmed, he had literally snapped his glasses at the bridge. Draco, the git, couldn't stop laughing. The only reason Harry hadn't slapped him silly was because his boyfriend had fixed them for him soon enough.</p><p>"What?" asked Sirius, confused by his frustration. Harry just sighed.</p><p>"Never mind," he said, resigned. "Please tell me you didn't say any of that to Remus?"</p><p>Sirius scoffed. "What am I, a dumb troll? Moony <em>loves</em> that old rag. If I said anything against it, I'd be sleeping on the couch for <em>weeks</em>!"</p><p>Harry threw his head back in laughter. Sirius, smirking, joined in.</p><p>-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-</p><p>When Remus Flooed home an hour or so later, coloured cloth bags filled with his purchases strung on each hand, he found his two favourite people huddled together in the sitting room, Harry squished next to Sirius, half in the chair, and half on the armrest. They were arguing about something - bike racing by the sound of it - frequently jabbing at the glossy page of Sirius' latest Motocross issue.</p><p>Remus smiled to himself. Some things never change.</p><p>"I'm back," he called out quietly, not wanting to startle them. Two black heads looked up in sync, one messy and curly, one shiny and straight.</p><p>Two voices called out excitedly, "Moony! You're back!"</p><p>Two sets of eyes fixed themselves on the bags on his arms, emerald green and the stormy grey, spying the coloured boxes peeking out the tops of some of the bags.</p><p>Two pairs of hands snaked out towards him, magazine and argument forgotten, both making grabby hands at him.</p><p>Remus smiled again, the twisting feeling of déjà vu making him nostalgic. James Potter may be gone, but he had left a fine legacy in his son.</p><p>Shaking away his sadness, he walked towards his family with a laugh.</p><p>"So impatient," he teased.</p><p>"Remy!" Sirius exclaimed, pretending that he didn't hear. "I'm glad you're back. Took you long enough! I was dying for one of your Moony-special grilled cheese sandwiches."</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes, setting down every bag but one at Sirius' feet. Harry attacked it instantly, nearly falling off his precarious position.</p><p>He sighed, shaking his head at both of them. "You could have gotten Harry to make some for the both of you. What do you usually do when I'm gone?"</p><p>"Wait for you to come back."</p><p>Harry paused long enough to look at Sirius incredulously. "That's not true! You whine like crazy, pester me to make coffee, raid the fridge, nearly trash the cupboards looking for god knows what, and when Moony comes back, you still want more to eat!"</p><p>Remus couldn't stifle his laughter for long.</p><p>Harry turned to him. "You know he's lying, right? He goes through his whole routine, every single time!"</p><p>His lover pouted through his laughter, whining like a kicked puppy, "I was trying to be <em>romantic</em>!"</p><p>That threw him into another fit. Harry joined him this time, laughing hysterically. The boy shook so much he promptly fell out of the chair.</p><p>Harry remained on the carpeted floor as they recovered, and Remus decided to join him. They sprawled side by side on the soft carpet, looking up at Sirius.</p><p>"What's in all those bags?" questioned Sirius, still sounding a bit grumpy.</p><p>"Christmas stuff!" exclaimed Harry happily, his voice loud in Remus' ear.</p><p>"Moooony!" groaned his lover. "More decorations?"</p><p>"You can never have enough," he quipped smartly. Harry shook his head vigorously in agreement.</p><p>"We'll start setting up today." Remus continued. "Sirius, can you get down the tree from the attic? Please?"</p><p>Harry clapped his hands excitedly. "Yay!" he said, sounding like a child.</p><p>Sirius groaned again. "Oh, goody." he snarked, sarcasm dripping from his voice.</p><p>"Sirius!"</p><p>"Rem, come on! Christmas is still far away! It's Harry's first day of the holidays, do we have to do this today?"</p><p>"Padfoot, Christmas is in nearly two weeks! We're late enough already!"</p><p>Harry nodded again, bouncing. "And we have to do it properly this time, Siri! That means you. No lobbing baubles at the tree and throwing random sticking charms!"</p><p>"You heard the boy, Sirius." Remus agreed. "We could barely get the charms off last time!"</p><p>Sirius let out a great heaving sigh, his eyes drooping to track the moving flames in the fireplace. "Fiiiine," he conceded, sounding anything but.</p><p>Remus winked at the boy seated beside him. "Pads, I have a surprise for you," he addressed Sirius, a lyrical note in his smooth tones.</p><p>Sirius looked up at him hopefully.</p><p>"Close your eyes."</p><p>The man complied, giving him a quick grin.</p><p>Remus reached into the bag still tightly held in his fist, and pulled out a bright purple tin. He placed it into Sirius' outstretched hands and said, "You can open them now."</p><p>His eyes snapped down, and his mouth stretched into an even wider grin.</p><p>"Fairy dust? Really? You've never let me use any before!"</p><p>Remus smiled fondly. "You can use it on the tree and on the streamers, but that's it. Got it?"</p><p>"Yes ma'am!"</p><p>"Sirius!"</p><p>"Sorry, Remy."</p><p>Harry grinned brightly. This was exactly what he loved to see. The Dursleys had never interacted so playfully.</p><p>Sirius waggled his eyebrows and asked Remus, "So, what else is in that bag?"</p><p>He blushed a bit, but managed to sound stern. "You'll find out soon enough. If you behave."</p><p>Sirius' grin turned sly. "Will it be my reward for being a good dog and doing whatever you say?"</p><p>Remus blushed harder. "Mm hmm."</p><p>"And then <em>later</em>, you'll do everything <em>I</em> say, won't you, love?"</p><p>Remus swallowed.</p><p><em>Oh no</em>, thought Harry. <em>There's no way I'm sitting through this.</em></p><p>"Ahaha, yeah, that's my cue to leave," Harry said with an awkward laugh, jumping to his feet. His godfathers paid him no attention, their eyes locked together in a heated battle.</p><p>"So, I'm gonna head to the kitchen for a glass of water. You guys need anything?"</p><p>Silence.</p><p>"Ahem, okay then, I'm just. Gonna leave."</p><p>Sirius started to open his mouth.</p><p>Harry scuttled out of the room, mumbling a quick "bye!"</p><p>Just as he was about to get past the door, he heard Sirius say. "Moony darling, what do you say we try a little <em>stretching</em> this time? I've always wanted to… "</p><p>Harry shuddered as he ran the rest of the way to the kitchen. He did <em>not</em> want to hear what Sirius wanted. Whatever it was, it was sure to leave a horrible mental image.</p><p>Well, in any case, he definitely knew what to expect behind the silencing wards of his godfathers' bedroom tonight.</p><p>Either way, he was <em>so </em>screwed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Would you like to see the sequel to this? I was thinking about following this up with Draco's meeting with Sirius and Remus. Hit me up in the comments section!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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